Beth's Testimony

I want to share my personal testimony with everyone. Forgive me if it's a little lengthy, but I don't want to leave anything out. When I was growing up, we didn't go to church. In fact, I remember for several years when we lived in Cabot, Sunday was the day when my mom, my sister, and I would go shopping at McCain Mall. I went to church occassionally when a friend would invite me. I remember being in church with friends and not knowing the words to any of the songs. And when they would talk about Moses or Abraham or Isaac, or anyone else in the Bible for that matter, I would have no idea what they were talking about. It didn't really bother me at the time, but thinking back on that it makes me sad that there are still children out there like me who don't know anything about Jesus, the Bible, or church. I guess I always knew there was a God, but that was about it.When I was in high school and college, I lived an unruly life. I drank, cursed like a sailor, smoked cigarettes, experimented with drugs, and had premarital sex. Some people would be ashamed to admit they have done these things, but this is part of my testimony. I'm not ashamed to tell you about these things because you can't fully understand how far Christ has brought me unless you know where I've been. While I was in the Air Force, I got married and had Dawson. When he was about a year old, I got a divorce. After my divorce, I was stationed in Biloxi, Mississippi as an instructor. I was probably there for about a year when we got a new instructor in the office named Lou Lanton. It only took about 5 minutes of talking to him before I knew he was a Christian. I noticed that there was something very different about Lou. He seemed happy all the time and just seemed like his life was really fulfilled. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something was very different and it got me thinking. And when I met his wife, Nikki, who is one of the sweetest people I know, I knew there was something to this Christian stuff. So, I decided to go to church. I had been going to a Catholic church because some of my friends in Idaho were Catholic and I had visited a Catholic church with them. But something didn't set right with me about it. So, I started going to a Lutheran church. About that time, my boyfriend moved in with me and we started going to church together. But he was verbally abusive and controlling and every church we went to, he would decide we couldn't go there because a guy looked at me or something crazy. So, we hopped from church to church. I decided because I was going to church, that made me a Christian. So, I told Lou Lanton at work that I was a Christian now, too. He was really excited for me and shared some thoughts with me and gave me some booklets to read. I didn't quite share his enthusiasm, though. But that's because I wasn't truly saved. I started trying to live my life like a Christian, but I was still "playing" marriage with my abusive boyfriend, so my heart wasn't completely in it.After 10 miserable months, my mom finally "rescued" me from my boyfriend. I say she rescued me because I was at an all-time low in my life. I was sinking in a pit of depression and didn't know how to get out. I was scared all the time and honestly wanted to die. I'm convinced that if my mom hadn't stepped in when she did, I would have eventually committed suicide. But my mom knew something wasn't right and she came to my rescue. It took several months of intense therapy for me to start living my life again. I had post-traumatic stress and was put on medication, but I pulled through it and started living my life again. I started going to a non-denominational church and was baptized. But the weird thing is, that I don't remember ever saying a prayer to receive Christ. I just decided I felt like I was saved and I got baptized. Now looking back it sounds so crazy, but at the time I really thought I was saved. So, I was going to church and getting involved as much as I could. I prayed almost every day and read my Bible. I even took a vow to God that I would never have sex again until I was married. All these things made me think I was saved, but it always felt like something was still missing. And I continued to sin in other ways; I would just make sure to pray for forgiveness after I sinned. I would go out to the club with my friends and get drunk, and as long as I said a prayer the next morning for forgiveness, I felt ok about it. I met John in December 2004 and he said he was a Christian, too. We fell in love very quickly and decided to get married. We were married one month after we met. A few nights before the wedding, we went to a friends house for a little bachelor/bachelorette party together and we both had a little too much to drink. Isn't that what all Christian couples do before they get married? (just kidding) I did manage to keep my vow to God and we didn't have sex until our wedding night. So, at least we have that to be thankful for.We went through several struggles the first couple of years of marriage. He was deployed, then Hurricane Katrina, then his post-traumatic stress, then we tried fertility treatments that almost killed me. We went through a lot, but our marriage just grew stronger. One thing I know for sure is that it was a blessing straight from God that he put me with John. I thank him daily for that. John started having faith struggles and I was getting frustrated with it. Then, after we moved to Arkansas I started having faith struggles. We weren't going to church regularly and the more I read my Bible, the more confused I got. I had so many questions and was doubting everything. I came to a point where I decided that I was not a Christian and I did not believe in any of it anymore. I told John and he was ok with that because he was still having faith struggles, too. But during all this, I was MISERABLE. I literally felt sick at my stomach all the time, I was having anxiety attacks, I just felt horrible. Finally, after several weeks of this, I decided to do something about it. So, I e-mailed Lou and Nikki Lanton. I knew they wouldn't be judgmental and would try to help and I was right. I poured out my heart to them about my doubts and struggles. They were very encouraging and pointed me to the scriptures that would clarify my questions. It was like a light came on. All the doubts and disbelief I was having was cleared up with scripture. I shared what I found with John. Lou also pointed me to www.gotquestions.org and now it's my favorite website. Anytime I have a Biblical question, I go there. So, we started going to church again. It was all becoming clear to both of us. I was at church one Sunday morning and John didn't go with me. The sermon was about not waiting another day to receive your salvation. So, I came forward to re-dedicate my life to Christ. I felt so much better. But God wasn't quite done with me yet. A week later, we had Dr. Morris Anderson visit the church and preach. John and I both went and we both said the prayer to receive Christ into our hearts and lives. We also let the church know that we felt like our baptism was out of order and we wanted to be baptized. We became members of the church and started living our life for Christ. Everything started to change. The way we thought about things and the way we lived our life. We started reading our Bibles daily, sometimes together. We surrounded ourselves with other Christians for encouragement. John started hanging out with Aaron McCoy and learned a lot from him. But there was still one element missing...we were not sharing the gospel with others. We weren't living our life so that everything we do is for the glory of God.Then, came October 5. John and Aaron McCoy went for a motorcycle ride. A car ran a stop sign and Aaron wrecked into it. John tried everything he knew to do to save Aaron. They med-flighted him to UAMS, but Aaron didn't make it. It was a very difficult day for us and we'll never forget it. Aaron was such a great man of God, he was always sharing the gospel with others and led God-only-knows how many people to Christ. And then he was gone. But there was an immediate change in me and my husband. We both realized THAT DAY that nothing matters in this life except for how many people we share the love of God with. When we die, we won't say "I wish I had worked more" or "I wish I had a nicer car" or "I wish I had drank one more margarita". If we have any regrets at all when we die, it will be "I wish I had led more people to Christ so they can experience what I am experiencing now." We KNOW where Aaron McCoy is now. He's in an unimaginably beautiful place with our Father. He has no worries, no fears, and no sadness. And that is where he will be for eternity. And it's just a scary thought that there are people I talk to every day, people who I love, family members and friends, who won't get to experience that. And if I don't do whatever I can to inform them of this gift, then am I not partially to blame that they don't receive it? Since October 5, John and I have begun to witness to people about Jesus. We have become on fire for the Lord. I put it this way...Aaron ran with a torch for God and he ran as hard as he could with it, lighting other torches along the way. And God put John with Aaron that day so that he could hand that torch off to John. And now it's up to John to pick up where Aaron left off and run with that torch. Because in the big scheme of things, this is all that matters...that God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. And it's our responsibility to make sure everyone knows about this amazing gift. Whether they accept it or not is NOT our responsibility, but making sure they know about it and they see how it has affected us, and they see the joy it has brought us, that IS our responsibility. And knowing what I know now...I'm not sure I had any right to call myself a Christian before October 5, 2007. October 29, my husband and I were baptized together. And I'm proud to say that I shared the gospel with my mother the week before that and she was baptized with us. And my sister, Christina was baptized with us as well. Our church had a revival scheduled for the week after October 5, but they felt like it was appropriate to cancel it due to Aaron's accident. But God did not cancel the revival at Central Baptist Church that week...he just had a much more powerful revival in mind for us.